So many mysteries in life that I may choose to enlighten on, my minions! The mathematical equations and construction methods used to build the great pyramid at Giza. The methodology and calculations involved in the Mayan calendar or possibly what the Druids real intention was when they built Stonehenge. However, to avoid the eternal guilt of a thousand craniums exploding simultaneously from the terminal overload of all the knowledge in the universe, I will tone it down to one of great practicality and importance. Let the transfer of wisdom begin with “How to perform a parked regeneration.” Ah, the E.P.A., saving the planet for you and me! E.P.A 2007 mandated a reduction in diesel particulate matter, better known as the clouds of black, sooty smoke that happily spewed from the stack of your primitive, fuel hogging big rigs in the glory days of trucking. To achieve this environmental miracle the D.P.F. (diesel particulate filter) was conceived to trap the soot and save the world! Over time the small ceramic channels in the DPF become clogged with soot and must be burned off or regenerated. Most of the time this occurs passively while you drive but sometimes the proper conditions are not met and a parked regen must be performed. The DPF light will illuminate on your dash and stay on when the time comes and not before. If you wait too long the light will begin to flash and be accompanied by the infamous “check engine light”. If you procrastinate any longer than this we’ll be sending your friendly neighborhood tow truck to hook you to the nearest dealer for an indefinite wait to perform the procedure with a laptop computer. To save yourself much grief and our beloved Epes much cash, you must surrender to the lights. Find a safe place to park that you can remain for up to an hour. Do not put the truck on fast idle, it will do that on its own shortly. Set the parking brakes, then depress the clutch all the way down and release it back to the top. Find the button on the dash with the DPF symbol on it, press and hold it for a couple seconds. Some buttons are shielded by a cover that flips up to reveal a yellow button. International Prostars have a button marked “parked regen”. At this point the engine rpm’s should increase and the regeneration will begin. If it does not, release the parking brake and set it again, depress the clutch and release it then press the button again. If your steed still refuses to cooperate you may have to do the unthinkable and call the Epes Maintenance Central hotline (breakdown line) at 1-800-849-0867 or send the breakdown macro. When the regeneration is complete the truck will return to idle and the DPF light will go out possibly leaving the high exhaust temperature light on. This luminary closely resembles the DPF light but has a thermometer in it instead of the little dots in the DPF symbol. You may have noticed this light on when you slow down below 10 mph. In this sense it means the truck was in a passive regen (driving) as you slowed and the exhaust is extremely hot (1000 degrees Fahrenheit or more) so do not let the native transients polish the exhaust for monetary sums as they may stick to it. The preceding yarn only applies to Freightliner and International trucks, Volvo trucks require you to “go through” the instrument cluster and request a parked regen. A Swedish regeneration will have to be a tale for another day. That bright flash you just experienced was enlightenment and should be no cause for alarm but a thrill I still experience myself at times, though not often. Alas, omnipotence has it’s price! ‘Til next time, y’all come see us! Master of time, space and the universe…the Tito!!!